neat freak writes

What do you do when you are starting to like someone, but that someone likes someone who happens to become your super close friend? Also, you are the one who made is possible for that someone to meet your super close friend.

Funny how conversations with a Psych Major (who's a summa cum laude btw) turn into a PCG session. Yesterday, a gruesome Monday, came to welcome me with a shock. A shock that I am not expecting to come this early. Someone invited me and my Summa friend to attend this so-called life-changing talk in Alabang. The talk was ok -- it was funny at some points but it wasn't the talk that shocked me. It was OUR TALK/SESSION after. With 4 Buffalo Wings, 10" Pizza and a Charlie Chan Chicken Pasta in front of us, we started to talk about philosophies in life; like how positive energy can heal you, Christianity vs. Christian religion, LOVE and how to love fully. This piece of conversation led to us scrutinizing each others pattern when it comes to "love". We all agreed that the way we react to the opposite sex is a result of how we lived our chilhood. With that, I share with you my "pattern" according to mey Psych Major Summa Cum Laude friend... Crazy but true. It is the exact same pattern that is happening to me right now. I like this someone but I feel that that someone doesn't like me back. To fast-track the end of the story, I pulled someone from "our" past (my super close friend) for him to ponder on. Now, I am in the phase where I need to swallow this pain and wait until it's through. This way, at least I saved up some time!

Pause
An action word/noun needed so much by corpo aliens. It is a luxury that is very rare for corpo aliens to have. For the past 6 and a half months, I haven't really had a "real" pause from the corpo world. Yes, maybe I still get some time off to meet up with friends or have dinner with my family -- yet, our desserts would usually come in a form of work-ala-mode. Yesterday, I got the chance to have another click on the pause button, it was a birthday leave I truly deserved. For a day, I spent some time off from work and went back into "the reality" I am most comfortable with -- Ateneo life. I visited some of my friends and favorite mentors in the Ateneo and reminisce on how good it is to be a part of a community where everything is fair and politics is not as dirty as it is deemed to be. It's so surreal that it makes me want to go back to school and study some more. I had some inspiring words from mentors and friends. I had "geniune" laughs that I've never experienced for months already. I had "the" peace of mind I have been wanting to have. This is the pause that I really wanted. Something that would help me decide on what I should be doing after 6 more months. In half a year, I will be making the biggest decision of my life -- that is, to continue work or stop and study some more. Don't get me wrong, Kraft has been giving me a lot of opportunities and it has taught me a LOT (not only in doing some business but also stretching my limits). It has been sustaining me for a long time. Its culture has been pushing me out of my bed to go and get ready for work. Kraft may not be the best company there is, but it has been good to me. Yet, there are some of my needs that Kraft may not be able to give. These needs may weight more than traveling around the region, getting all the gadgets I need or even having lunch with big names in the industry. Hence, in six months I will be having the greatest pause of my life that may lead to a big transition. A transition that can either be my biggest regret or my greatest decision -- that is yet to be seen.

Transition
Another transition, another twilight, another year for me. I have had this experience for 21 years now, and I have never experienced a birthday twilight as lonely as this one. I just hope tomorrow's gonna be better. [NO, should not be a part of this blog]

After a gazillion years of not blogging, I finally got the chance to sit down and list some updates about my life (thanks to my boss, who's late for work hehe). Anyway, here's a blow by blow update, enjoy!

1. The Secret
Oh yes, you read that right! I just finished watching the Secret and it's a hell of a film! Somehow it changed my disposition in life and guess what? The Law of Attraction works! Before I used to dream of having a condominium near Makati or in Makati where I could just sit down and chill by the pool. I have been imagining myself living that kind of life, and NOW.. voila! I just bought my own condominium in Global City The Fort! (details later). But aside from that head banging revelation, the law of attraction has been working in every single detail of my life. When I was about to go to work late, every traffic light changes to green to pave way for me; When I need to submit a report and I'm not in the proper state of mind, my boss will approach me and ask to submit the report the next day! Crazy yet true. You just need to have a positive outlook in life and the universe would response in a very positive way :D Just keep smiling and don't let stress get in the way.

2. The Place
I have been giving hints about the condominium I was about to buy yet I haven't really revealed the details to people (well I did for some). But yeah, I just bought my very first property -- a condo unit in the fort (I cant reveal the exact place here of course -- because this is a public domain!). Anyway, everything happened so fast, I just asked my dad to check out some property handled by Brittany and immediately he called his Agent in Brittany. After the first meeting, dad handed out the check for reservation! That's how fast it was. But don't get me wrong, I did not make an impulse buy or so my dad, I have been planning for this. For the longest time, I have been wanting to get a condo, a house in alabang and a business. Just so happened the opportunity to get a hold of the condo unit came in first. And my gosh, with the fluctuating interest rate in the bank, the escalating inflation rate and the my ever spending self, I should be investing my money into something concrete and appraising; thus, the condo. I am happy with it :D Hell who wouldn't?! Living in a high-end condo with all the superb service. Woohoo! Hello 2010!

3. The Work
It has been 3 months since I announced here in livejournal of my very first job. Yes, I am still with Kraft and I am still a Management Trainee. There has been hoops of ups and downs. There were times when I wanted to quit (I know, I am such a loser for even thinking that). But overall, I can say that I am.. hopeful. I know I am here for a reason. The universe arranged itself for me to get such job. And somehow, I am learning. Learning and sometimes enjoying (hello fellow MTs). I am thankful that there's a solid supporting system behind my back. To Kraft HR who never fails to make us feel home and safe, thank you. To my ever supportive GMA team who never fails to make me smile or laugh, thank you. To my ever loving (loving?!) co-MTs who never fails to remind me that we're in it together, thank you. Ok stop with the "Thank You" messages. Bottomline: so far, I am still hopeful, go Kraft!

4. The Guy
I'd rather not talk about him or them?! (feeling) hahaha :D But yeah, I'd rather not talk about it. Like my disposition for my job, I am hopeful. I may not be ready for a commitment right now, but I know I would be. In time. When I am stable enough, because with all the issues and fragility (is there such a word) coming my way, I doubt I would be in the proper frame of mind to think about or decide on things like this. I am moving. Moving on. Hopeful.

There you go. Be Right Back. My boss is here.

"He who does not weep, does not see"
-- Les Miserables

So I guess, I am not blinded by your presence anymore.
I can now weep. I can now mourn. I can now see.
See how this illusionary world I made up is starting to diminish.
See the selfishness you have been covering up for a week or two.
See through the memories and the make believe interpretations I had.

I do weep. I do mourn. I do see.

**Got this from Ysel who got it from someone else :D

What is a perfect girlfriend? They say there's no such thing as perfection, and that she doesn't exist.

Oh trust me, she does.

She dresses up all cute and pretty every time you take her out on a date. This is her way of keeping you interested as your eyes are locked solely on her. You stare at other girls instead, and she gets hurt and upset that all her time and effort were put to waste.
You call her insecure.

She holds on to you like she's never letting you go. This is her way of telling other girls that she's lucky that she has you, and no, you're not available.
You call her clingy.

She calls you the sweetest nicknames, or ones that only you two will understand. This is her way of saying how special you are, and that there's nobody else in this world like you. You call other girls "babe" just as how you would call her, and she gets disappointed.
You call her shallow and jealous.

She checks up on you, making sure you made it home safely or that you're not out getting yourself into any kind of trouble. This is her way of showing how often she thinks about you and that she worries constantly because that's how much she cares.
You say she's nagging.

She cries when you do or say something wrong. This is her way of saying "That hurt only because YOU said it and I love YOU."
You call her overly sensitive and emotional.

She loves you more than you love her. This is her way of dealing with the fact that your relationship wasn't like how it used to be, but she is willing to make room for more love and some changes. You push her away.
You call her dramatic and annoying.

So go ahead. Leave the insecure, clingy, jealous, nagging, overly sensitive, annoying girl.

She will soon be much happier in the arms of someone who actually deserves her: the perfect boyfriend.

Bad News:

• Yet again, my Singapore trip with my Dad will not push through this September. I would have been flying to SG this weekend, but thanks to the oh-so-important person whom my dad has to meet flight was then re-scheduled to mid-October. Mid-October. Yes Mid-October, my revalida week. So now, I have to choose whether I would want myself to get fired or to head to SG and shop my ass off.
• I have been swarming with lots of Excel Sheets and Powerpoint presentation and I am not even into my TDE stint! How good is that? Although, bombarding myself with reports is quite helpful. Helpful in forgetting non-sense issues and helpful because I get to train ahead.
• Rain is not helping. Because of my 3-month Sales stint, I have to go around the Metro using my car! And the unpredictable weather has been my major STRESS this week. Last week, I had to bring my car to Honda for the electrical wiring (whatever that is) was jammed. Hayy. Rain. Rain rain go away, come again another day.

Good News:

• I think I just found my very first investment. That's it. Details to follow. Hoping this pushes through.

A: I am not ready for a serious relationship. I am not mature enough. I am new with this.
B: So what do you want?
A: -----
B: You know what.. you don't know what you want. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW IF YOU WANT ME.

---End of Friendship---

..be in love with the idea of love
..believe in fairy tales
..love happy endings and prince charmings
..look at the sky and wish on a star
..have a bucket full of happiness
..be enthusiastic when it comes to work
..believe corporate slaves can change
..have vision for my country
..believe that i can make a change
..hate people who quit and just settle down
..have LOVE in my heart

I USED TO. BUT NOT NOW. NOT NOW.
maybe later, tomorrow or next week, i'll be back to normal.

I used to be this FREN BUT NOT NOW. NOT NOW.
But I know I will still be this FREN someday. Someday, when I have fully recovered.